Mia’s story

When I was 15, I drank so much that I fell unconscious on my bed. My dad rang me and I wasn’t able to speak to him, and he freaked out. We had to go to the hospital and the nurses were asking me questions like ‘do you drink a lot’ so I had to tell him. I think he was just in shock. My dad is really nice and supportive, and I remember he said, ‘we’ll get through it together’. It was very confronting because I still didn’t think it was an issue. I thought the alcohol was helping me. I thought it was my best friend.

My first drink was when I was 14, which is very young in hindsight. I grew up thinking I was a lot older than I was. I always had this mindset of getting really drunk or not drinking at all. That was a bit of a problem for me because I was never drinking to enjoy myself. During the lockdown in 2021 we had a lot of alcohol in the house and I was just drinking it all every night. I reduced it a bit after lockdown, but I started drinking more and more in 2022. And it just got worse and worse from there. 

I couldn’t sleep at night and I didn’t know what to do, so I’d drink. I didn’t really understand my emotions and my way of thinking at the time. I think I had just suppressed a lot of trauma from when I was younger, and it started to affect me. At the time I was just like, oh fuck, there is something wrong with me. But it was just my body trying to survive. I was just trying to escape these emotions that I didn’t understand.

I became much less social. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I put myself in isolation because I didn’t want people to see this side of me and pity me. I couldn’t hold up any jobs, I wasn’t going to school, I wasn’t doing anything. I had lost joy in everything that I used to like. But I was still trying to blame anything else but the alcohol because it was very comforting for me. 

I was dating someone and I got really drunk and I went to their house in an Uber. I could barely walk. I got out of the car and his neighbour came out. She saw me, and she knocked on my ex’s door and was like ‘there’s someone here, but she’s really drunk’. That was really embarrassing for me. I felt so disrespectful. That’s when I realised I couldn’t keep on living like this because it was really affecting my relationships and my life. 

I started getting help from a GP, a psychologist and a YSAS alcohol and other drugs (AOD) worker. It can be very dangerous to go cold turkey after drinking a lot for a long time, so I started by cutting back with the help of my workers. I’d have a little bit in the morning and then a little bit in the afternoon. I really like writing and playing music, so when I felt like a drink I would pick up the guitar. Journaling really helped me because I didn’t know how to process my emotions. I could write anything and no one would ever see it. It took the weight off my shoulders, to get it out. 

I got lucky with my family and some amazing friends as well. I remember when I was in the hospital crying to Dad and he said ‘It’s not your fault.’ That felt really nice because I think there’s a lot of blame on yourself, a lot of shame and guilt. My AOD worker was really good at listening without judging me. He would still challenge me a bit. He’d ask questions like, ‘Is there anything negative about when you drink?’ But he wasn’t like a dad about it. He was more like a friend, or a little voice to guide me.

I mostly don’t drink now. I’m studying, I’m distracting myself with friends, I’m writing a lot of music. I feel like I have a lot more purpose now and a lot more meaning, which is helping me not drink. I was worried about New Year’s Eve last year because everyone else was going to drink. So my YSAS AOD worker and I made a plan to stick to three drinks and have water in between each drink. There was a little bit of doubt in my head that I wouldn’t be able to control myself.  But I did it, and I was pretty proud.

I’m a lot more resilient that I thought I was. If you had told me two years ago that I would have made it to my 18th birthday or that I’d be 20 next year, I would have started crying. I think the hardest bit is starting and accepting that you need help. Telling yourself that you deserve the help and believing that you deserve the help. Having someone that is really supportive is so important. A youth worker, a parent, a friend, a psychologist, a grandparent, anyone. But at the end of the day, it does have to come from you. Everyone can tell you do this, do that, get better. If you don’t want to, you won’t. But also, it’s okay to not be okay. You’re not alone.

*** Name has been changed.